awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
