I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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