Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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