He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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