Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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