At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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