lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
