Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
