New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
