Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
