ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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