Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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