I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
