We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
