You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
