my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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