It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
