I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
