I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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