if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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