dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
