My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
