Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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