Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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