So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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