Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
