i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
