Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
