Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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