I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
