I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my shit smells like andre
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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