im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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