My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
