I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
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