is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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