I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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