yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
