You're completely useless in the revolution.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
