Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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