Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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