Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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