I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
