Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
