His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
