On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I understand Curling. That high.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
