he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
