i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
