new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think your dad took our porno
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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