I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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