mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
