That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
