His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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