After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
