seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
