I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
