he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
