You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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