how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you inspire me to be a worse person
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
