we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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