we made out on top of his cat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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