it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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