ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
