She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
