i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
