I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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